Excerpt

She looked out the window.

Although she couldn’t see it, the sun was setting, and it signified its retreat with a four-sided glowing orange on the wall opposite her.  Her window was slightly open, and she could just smell the autumn air.  The autumn weather was paradoxical in that it was crisp like new, but also an agent in the celebration of nostalgia.  It was probably because it was so crisp like new that fall afternoons can be remembered so well in later years.

And the weather accentuated every sound.  She lived within her modest means, and so she found her apartment well-acquainted with the sounds of life flowing through the city’s mechanical veins.  The noises floated into her room, and since nostalgia always sets in with the air, the sounds that accompany it consequently become congenial as well.

Some things I need to remind myself of

Some advice for you, Kit.

With love,
Kit

1. You will always be in a transitional period. You're never gonna "get there", so enjoy the ride.

2. Children aren't articulate, but they know what's right, so listen to them more.

3. Talk to yourself more; you try to hide it like you're sane, but c'mon.  The best conversations are the ones with the person who knows you best.

4. Grammar was made to relay ideas better. If you get what they're saying, grammar has no real role then.

5. DANCE, you fool.

6. Talk more with less thought; you'll find out the kind of person you are quicker. Then go from there.

7. Nothing you have is truly yours except your ideas. Even those, you should share.

8. I know you should "go with the flow", but flow into work more often.

9. You are only as good as your actions.

10. Learn parkour. It's, like, the fastest way to feel like a kid again.

11. Give praise where praise is due; you're not gonna get better just because you withheld a compliment regarding something you wish you could've done, too.

12. Practice more. Fear of failure IS failing.

13. Love more. How could you live with yourself otherwise?

Desert of Sound

I've always claimed to write music, but it's never felt like this.
Voice and guitar by the talented Danni Chung and video shot by my very own Allison Rhee

Take writing, for example

I have to reside in that place somewhere between carelessness and meticulousness.

If I am too careless, then my writing will have no direction; if I am too meticulous, then my writing will be too faltering.

Neither can I vacillate from one to the other--I will own no real trail of thought if I keep changing my state of mind.

No--I need to find comfort in a place between the two, a place where I exemplify boldness with a characteristic of wariness. I must write like I mean to write, but I must also exhibit care.

And not only my writing, but my life must also be led in this manner. I must be in a state of urgency so that I can fully engage all of my faculties, but I must also heed the words of God. I must live because God gave me this life, but I must also be wary of how I live for that very reason.

Some scribbles in my pocket notebook

Happiness is not leisure. It is not retirement or luxury, it is not the easy attainment of pleasure.

Happiness is the transpiration of growth. It is not merely doing something enjoyable--it is becoming better at it. And the actual realization of aspirations is only momentary in its pleasure because it is only an indication of growth, not its finality.

Too often we attain an object and wonder at the inconsistency between it and our expectations. It is because our souls flourish when we ourselves flourish--attainment without continuance is nothing but a halt to what was food to our souls.

More Love, More Power

It's an amazing feeling when things that don't go your way all come together in the end to harmoniously reveal that it was all in due time to make things go His way.

Collaborating with Danni Chung was such a blessed experience.  I know Danni from years ago when we attended the same church.  She and I attended the same college as well, and now we are coincidentally in the same city in South Korea.  We took this opportunity to collaborate a song together.. but the events leading up to it.. well, it never seems as divine if it isn't personally felt, but let's just say that everything seemed to happen exactly the way they should as willed by God.

Allison Rhee filmed everything, and Danni edited the video.  Enjoy!

Numb

All things shine on the sun; how can they not when they radiate so?  They're so vibrant with color, they're shaking in my very sight, and they send their lights out.  All things are graphic-- any blur is a man-made thing.  The dew on the window is no cause for blurring-- the droplets themselves are so vivid.  Displacement of attention is a man-made thing.

And why do we have loss of detail?  It's all a numbing-- we numb the pain, we numb the senses because only then can we ever become deluded enough to think we can do it ourselves. But we cannot... we're weak beings who have the knowledge enough to make ourselves ignorant to our weaknesses.  We're too knowledgeable for our own good on how to cut out what we consider excess, when really it is vital, even inherent.

Because in our weaknesses, we cry out to God...

Otherwise, we hesitate and stumble, become confused and fumble, and we find ways to numb ourselves again.  We let these moments pass with dissatisfied taste, but we convince ourselves that it's "just the way it is."  There's nothing else to do, then, but to harden ourselves to it, and after a lifetime of this, we build walls into a corner.  But this corner seems safe; this corner seems good, because it's a space we can control.  But we forget about God; how can you be satisfied knowing you're in a delusion, and you have to deny true things to be happy?  How can that possibly make you happy?

We numb ourselves so well... it's the one thing we are all good at.  We trim out the truth, we're a race of convenience, and we justify it because we work hard to attain convenience.  We're so numb.