A thought on alcohol

I have this notion that people become addicted to alcohol because people want to experience something genuine and true.

Alcohol lowers and diminishes inhibitions.  This causes people to overstep their self-prescribed boundaries to express themselves more liberally.  Alcohol leads groups of people to forget about insecurities to generally have a good time together.

What people become addicted to, I think, is the condition of genuine closeness they feel with other people, but they project this desire for human relations onto the alcohol since it's the alcohol that catalyzes these events.  It's like loving the gasoline because we enjoy a nice car ride through the city or the countryside-- it's a displaced feeling of gratitude; we appreciate the connection, but we hold the alcohol responsible.

However, the alcohol does nothing but bring to the surface what we feel and desire.  The more alcohol, it seems, the less inhibited, and so the more likely that a person will act on their immediate feelings-- no matter how untrue those feelings may seem in a bigger context.

A group of strangers may find themselves acting in every way like friends after a few drinks one night, but upon meeting again in a sober environment, they are again seemingly distant, as if all the conversations of that night had been nothing but an act encouraged by the alcohol.  But what I think is that-- it is the night that had been genuine, and the ensuing awkwardness the act, put on by the insecurities and distance that people carefully construct around themselves.

But then that leads to the question.. why is it that we even need a social tool to catalyze circumstances into becoming mellifluous?

The only other place I've seen such carefree socializing with such personally genuine conversations in large groups has been... a church.  I think people crave alcohol because they crave truthful interactions without the weight and hindrance of insecurities.  And churches have been the only other places I've really ever seen that.

Well, at least that's what I think, anyway.

The Mic

I've definitely come to terms with the fact that I'm not good enough to really go anywhere with rap, but there's something inexplicably enticing about the mic.  I do it, literally, just to do it.  It's so much effing FUN to simply... create.

I listen to a song and I think to myself something along the lines of "Oh, it would work well if, according to the drumbeats and that bass, if words were said like this."   And what does any man want to do when one becomes so inextricable from a driving idea?  We go after it.

I admit that nothing comes out ever the way I wish it did, and I know that has a lot to do with my lack of equipment and knowledge of the process.  But it feels good to just see how it came out, and I only share because I don't know what else to do with it after I finish.  I know it's not a grand scale aspiration, but when writing one line at a time, and upon meeting the mic, I just forget everything in my life to focus.

And that just feels good.

littlest things

16bars

Intercept the approaching steps it’s like i haven’t slept

my life the widow wept as it rises at an alarming rep

the frequency of the expectancy patience thrown back to sea

searching with no heed that their hearts lack their eyes to see

Sick notes in my headphones intrude my life like they own

the zephyrs that trembles the petals in this sea the meadow

my body the dead owns nerves fire but the mood is mellow

i leave the world that i know to float away a la maison

지금까지 알고있니? 조봐 너의 아품까지

도망가기 나의취미 이잰 악마와 대화하기..

근대 나는 생각 많이 하며 행동은 없지안니

날 위해서 내려온 비 끝이없이 한숨하지..

The blueprint lies within me yes the rising castle in the sky

And the ghost that roams freely only just now passed me by

It’s no matter if it sees me Imma make this thoughtful castle rise

As long as that I’m still breathing Imma work this failing heart of mine

peaceeee