Before I go into anything, I'd like to say one thing: many, many, many girls are too clingy or too insecure because of issues they have with their fathers.
This becomes a basis for a lot of arguments, blaming her for her insecurities, and ultimately deciding that she just isn't worth the trouble. You know what? Man the eff up; become the man she needs. It's all too easy to say it's too hard, to blame her for her father's faults; but when we love a God who is also the perfect father, then we realize that we as men are his vessels and tools to fill their lives with the love they long for. We must be everything they need us to be because we know that we are all lacking, especially, and sadly, fathers.
So man the eff up and give her the affection that God her father wishes her to have.
Now, there are two—yes, just two—qualities that you need to find in the perfect girl. These are personal experiences of mine, but maybe you can walk away with some universal generalizations that could help.
Find a girl who smiles constantly, determinedly, almost excessively. And I don't mean the smile that manifests because it's a defense mechanism against uncomfortable situations, or a smile laced with seduction or other ulterior motives, but a smile simply because. Look hard; it's easy to discern the discrepancies. You need to find a girl who smiles because of the simple fact that there's a reason she smiles. It means she loves life; it means she finds good in the world; it means she advocates kindness; it means she is optimistic. I could tell you to find a girl with all of these individual qualities, but it's just easier to tell you to find a girl who just loves to smile.
Or, better yet, find a girl who constantly and joyfully laughs.
I was in my little makeshift office in my home, writing at my desk. I was stressed—my writing wasn't going as quickly as I'd thought it would. I'd been off and on at a novel for a couple years, but now I was fully devoted to it as my time freed up; but the progress was just too slow for my taste. At the time, my girlfriend was off in some other part of the house with my dog, a pit bull and boxer mix called Rain. I was in the office with my own little rain cloud hovering above me when, suddenly, the house was filled with laughter. I need to describe this laugh to you—it's just a really great laugh. I don't want to say it was childish, but it definitely resembles a child's laugh. It's one of those laughs that comes from deep within the soul—you know what I'm talking about, right?—and there was no doubt that she was fully engaged in it with her whole being. I went to go see the reason. You know what it was? It was because my dog was rolling around on its back in the yard. That was it. And she'd seen it do that so many times before, but it still made her laugh, like, fully laugh. Soon after, my own mood lifted—and so I'll do all I can to keep that laughter in my life.
Secondly, find a girl who loves to become consumed with creating. I know what you might be thinking—that this can't be a good thing, that when she becomes consumed by other things, she won't find time for you or your needs. Well, you know what? If she didn't spend time to create, then you'll probably be complaining about how needy or clingy she is. It turns out, in the end, you're the insecure one, and you'll find fault with anything. Support her fully in her endeavors, and she will thank you.
Yes, you need to find a girl who becomes consumed with creating things. It's one of her loveliest figures when my girlfriend gives her whole soul to styling her photoshoots, cooking a meal, or just sitting there with her shoulders and head bent over to focus on her lap as she laces up a friendship bracelet. It, of course, has its implications: she owns the faculty to manifest what she feels progressively; she perceives that she is not helpless; she is full of hope and will give all her time and energy to progressing it; she is creative (duh..); and, above all and when appropriate, she will devote everything to and with you to creating love.
If you just find a girl with these two qualities, everything else about her becomes a bonus.
I used to think I was good at relationships because I've been in many. However, it dawned on me that this wasn't the case, since I've failed so many times. But I have found three simple rules that's sort of floated around in my past relationships and solidified as invaluable guidelines for the girl I love:
Be strong for her;
be gentle to her;
and, above all, treat her with respect (for cryin' out loud...).
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Oh, if you want to see a perfect girl, here's my girlfriend's website (you get to see her smile and her creativity): EnamoredWith
