Many different speculations attempt to explicate the roles of men and women, and there have been a lot of differing opinions that clash with one another as different beliefs of standards attempt to coexist. The following is my opinion and merely the way I view it, and so I'll take full responsibility of it, but you should also realize that I accept that this may not be the only way to perceive it, either.
Introduction
I look around and see so many people struggle with their identity—particularly at my age, when we're supposed to be making the change from boys to men. It's heartbreaking to the point of rage when I see that so many of my people are stripped of their happiness and put in front of a series of obstacles all because fathers decided it was too hard for them. What did my friends do to deserve it? Nothing. Seriously, nothing at all. It moved me to tears when I realized that almost all of my closest friends had to grow up without stable fathers.
But there's a resonating inference that comes from this. Roles are real and expected, and they are invaluable to life. Otherwise, we spend our lives bumping around in the dark, hoping to find the way in a chance encounter with the light. From experience, it seems that we're most happiest and free of anxiety when we've found our particular roles and find that we're able to play them.
However, that leads us to the question, why are we the way we are? Or, better yet, what are the implications that arise from the way we are, in accordance to that salient trait that seemingly precedes all of our other traits, our sex?
Marriage as the Paradigm
I'm now twenty-five, and I'm surrounded by weddings and marriage. Lucky for us, I believe that this is a good model to explicate our curiosities because marriage is ubiquitous and sacred in almost every culture on earth. The rituals may be different, but in every culture that I know of, the entire ceremony, as well as the focus of the people who attend it, revolves around the bride and groom. And thus, I believe that we may extract our inferences from them as well. What better paradigm to explicate our roles as men and women than an occasion that joins them together, one practiced indiscriminately by almost every culture and nationality?
Our roles in relation to the world can be uncannily compared to how we perceive a bride and groom at a wedding. Let me explain.
Men should identify with the groom.
The groom represents at that moment all the things a man should be. He is secure, knowing that he gets to be with his beloved. He is the very definition of a steadfast promise as he makes his vows to his bride. He represents strength and security—because, otherwise, why would the bride have chosen him?—and the marriage indicates that he willingly and joyfully made these covenants. That is why we must identify with the groom.
If we don't, then our focus is with the bride. That's just how our minds work: we need an object to receive our attention, so if it's not with one, then it's with the other. So if we're not looking at the groom, considering what he's thinking and how he's feeling at this momentous occasion, then we must consequently be looking at the bride and wondering about her instead. And, undoubtedly, we will wonder about her desires. We'll look at her and wonder if she'd look at us the way she's looking at her groom.
Honestly, how else could we men look at the bride, especially when she affords absolutely no attention to give us, but looks upon another man with all the intensity of her desire? We would wonder if we could have had her, if there could have been a path of circumstances that could have led her to desire us, even sometimes going as far as to wonder if we could still get her to look at us and find a satiating victory over the groom who thinks he's gotten her... But then, how dare we insult the groom at his own honoring by lusting after his bride? It has to be lust, it can't be love. Love simply cannot be if we're not happy that she's happily joining with the object of her love; then it's jealousy. It'd be quite different if the bride is unhappy and sees us as the true object of her love instead; but alas, we're in the audience, and it can be inferred that's where we are because we were invited for the reason that the two central figures of the occasion are in love.
The groom represents at that moment all the things a man should be. He is secure, knowing that he gets to be with his beloved. He is the very definition of a steadfast promise as he makes his vows to his bride. He represents strength and security—because, otherwise, why would the bride have chosen him?—and the marriage indicates that he willingly and joyfully made these covenants. That is why we must identify with the groom.
If we don't, then our focus is with the bride. That's just how our minds work: we need an object to receive our attention, so if it's not with one, then it's with the other. So if we're not looking at the groom, considering what he's thinking and how he's feeling at this momentous occasion, then we must consequently be looking at the bride and wondering about her instead. And, undoubtedly, we will wonder about her desires. We'll look at her and wonder if she'd look at us the way she's looking at her groom.
Honestly, how else could we men look at the bride, especially when she affords absolutely no attention to give us, but looks upon another man with all the intensity of her desire? We would wonder if we could have had her, if there could have been a path of circumstances that could have led her to desire us, even sometimes going as far as to wonder if we could still get her to look at us and find a satiating victory over the groom who thinks he's gotten her... But then, how dare we insult the groom at his own honoring by lusting after his bride? It has to be lust, it can't be love. Love simply cannot be if we're not happy that she's happily joining with the object of her love; then it's jealousy. It'd be quite different if the bride is unhappy and sees us as the true object of her love instead; but alas, we're in the audience, and it can be inferred that's where we are because we were invited for the reason that the two central figures of the occasion are in love.
Furthermore, women should identify with the bride.
The bride indicates what I believe all women should be. She'll be loved and protected. She'll be fulfilled and cherished. She will forever hold the gaze of a lover. Women should look upon the bride and relish in the love that she'll receive and the promise she holds.
But if women don't identify with the bride, then their attention shifts away from the rightful perspective, and then I'd imagine that the women in the audience will begin to desire the groom and the things that he promises her. Because he'd be the reason why they envy the bride, for the promise of protection and constant love he makes to her. But then, how dare they covet what is promised to the bride and to her only on this occasion, while they were invited to share in her joy during her ceremony?
An Answer to Our Insecurities and Anxiety
Now, this is what the bible says about the church in Ephesians 5:31-32:
31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will
become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
If Christ is the groom and the church is the bride, then things all begin to make sense about our insecurities and shortcomings. I believe that this may also shed light on homosexuality, at least in a biblical sense.
See, if the church is the bride, then men must identify with the bride as well, for we are invariably part of the church. But because of the fact that we are inherently men, we can only perceive the bride as the groom perceives the bride. We then ultimately identify with the groom in that we must emulate his feelings and promises for the church to become real men. We must protect and provide. We must be strong and steadfast. That is why we gaze upon the groom, and all else becomes mere reactions to insecurities. And if we see the bride as being our own while seeing the groom as being our exemplification of our duties, then this biblical paradox makes perfect sense (Ephesians 5:33):
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her
husband.
If we don't believe we're up there, getting married, then we must consequently perceive ourselves as mere audience members—for, whatever the case may be, we're still present at the wedding. And then, we don't see the church as a beautiful bride, but our eyes become hoodwinked, and we see a desirable woman of the world instead. Then, insecurities begin to flare. Why aren't we respected? How do we receive that attention and affection that the bride shows? How do I shift attention from him to us? In short, how can we manipulate the situation so that we can undermine the groom and attain the bride's gaze? We feel envious of the groom and lustful for the bride. But how dare we desire the bride in God's own ceremony?
We shouldn't kid ourselves. A lot of everything we men do is based on how we can best receive female attention. We constantly compare ourselves to other men, competing with them. It starts at an early age when we do downright stupidly silly things so that pretty girls will notice us. We never stop to think how it is that Christ views the bride. But the best way to love a woman is by paying close attention to the Rightful Groom.
Women should identify with the bride because the bride is cared for and protected by Christ, as all women should be. They are loved for who they are and are secure for the fact that they are already accepted, as the wedding indicates.
However, if they don't, then they must invariably see themselves as part of the audience watching the event unfold, and they are jealous. Once they convince themselves that they're merely a part of the crowd, their eyes become veiled, and they don't see Christ, but rather a desirable man who offers what they want but doesn't notice them. They can't know it's Christ, because if they did, then they'd recognize that they're the bride, and it would negate their perception of themselves as mere members of the audience. And if they don't, they find themselves as simply witnesses, and they jealously see that the bride is fully appreciated and loved, while they wonder why they themselves are unappreciated for their beauty or unloved for their character, and they become insecure. All of this pain and anxiety!--when, in actuality, they are appreciated and loved, and it should be, it is them up there, being married to the True Gentleman.
Brief Thoughts on Homosexuality
As for homosexuality, well, it becomes a little clearer for me in this paradigm.
Men who don't believe that they're up there being married believe that they can't identify with the groom. Some opinion of ourselves causes a block that hinders us from identifying ourselves as the church and the groom who loves it. However, they look upon the bride and identify with her, unable to make that bridge to the groom who cherishes her. And they want to be loved and appreciated as she deserves to be loved and appreciated--for all people want to be, whether men or women--and they see and respect that other men can deliver this for them. I honestly don't see what's wrong with this except that it means we as men must forsake our role as proactive lovers and leave our bride to spend our lives seeking other men as the beloveds.
For women, they identify with the bride, but they then look at themselves and regretfully believe that they're not her--they don't see themselves as the rightful beloved. And then they find this same sentiment in other women as well, and so these women mutually fulfill this role for one another, and they find happiness in this way. I honestly don't see what's wrong with this, either, except that they must turn away from the True Groom in order to lift one another up.
Honestly, I struggled with the notion of homosexuality briefly in my past, and this paradigm fits adamantly for my ambivalence. I was emotionally very unstable growing up. It took a moment of profound thought to overcome this struggle in identity, and now I have a relatively very low level of insecurity as opposed to my former self, whatever it may be that people may think or say about me, because ultimately, I'm secure because I know I'm not. But that brief struggle gave me insight into the insecurities that lead us to believe we're counter to the expected roles, even rebellious to it, and how it can consume our souls to make us turn away from what we're called to be.
The bride indicates what I believe all women should be. She'll be loved and protected. She'll be fulfilled and cherished. She will forever hold the gaze of a lover. Women should look upon the bride and relish in the love that she'll receive and the promise she holds.
But if women don't identify with the bride, then their attention shifts away from the rightful perspective, and then I'd imagine that the women in the audience will begin to desire the groom and the things that he promises her. Because he'd be the reason why they envy the bride, for the promise of protection and constant love he makes to her. But then, how dare they covet what is promised to the bride and to her only on this occasion, while they were invited to share in her joy during her ceremony?
An Answer to Our Insecurities and Anxiety
Now, this is what the bible says about the church in Ephesians 5:31-32:
31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will
become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
If Christ is the groom and the church is the bride, then things all begin to make sense about our insecurities and shortcomings. I believe that this may also shed light on homosexuality, at least in a biblical sense.
See, if the church is the bride, then men must identify with the bride as well, for we are invariably part of the church. But because of the fact that we are inherently men, we can only perceive the bride as the groom perceives the bride. We then ultimately identify with the groom in that we must emulate his feelings and promises for the church to become real men. We must protect and provide. We must be strong and steadfast. That is why we gaze upon the groom, and all else becomes mere reactions to insecurities. And if we see the bride as being our own while seeing the groom as being our exemplification of our duties, then this biblical paradox makes perfect sense (Ephesians 5:33):
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her
husband.
If we don't believe we're up there, getting married, then we must consequently perceive ourselves as mere audience members—for, whatever the case may be, we're still present at the wedding. And then, we don't see the church as a beautiful bride, but our eyes become hoodwinked, and we see a desirable woman of the world instead. Then, insecurities begin to flare. Why aren't we respected? How do we receive that attention and affection that the bride shows? How do I shift attention from him to us? In short, how can we manipulate the situation so that we can undermine the groom and attain the bride's gaze? We feel envious of the groom and lustful for the bride. But how dare we desire the bride in God's own ceremony?
We shouldn't kid ourselves. A lot of everything we men do is based on how we can best receive female attention. We constantly compare ourselves to other men, competing with them. It starts at an early age when we do downright stupidly silly things so that pretty girls will notice us. We never stop to think how it is that Christ views the bride. But the best way to love a woman is by paying close attention to the Rightful Groom.
Women should identify with the bride because the bride is cared for and protected by Christ, as all women should be. They are loved for who they are and are secure for the fact that they are already accepted, as the wedding indicates.
However, if they don't, then they must invariably see themselves as part of the audience watching the event unfold, and they are jealous. Once they convince themselves that they're merely a part of the crowd, their eyes become veiled, and they don't see Christ, but rather a desirable man who offers what they want but doesn't notice them. They can't know it's Christ, because if they did, then they'd recognize that they're the bride, and it would negate their perception of themselves as mere members of the audience. And if they don't, they find themselves as simply witnesses, and they jealously see that the bride is fully appreciated and loved, while they wonder why they themselves are unappreciated for their beauty or unloved for their character, and they become insecure. All of this pain and anxiety!--when, in actuality, they are appreciated and loved, and it should be, it is them up there, being married to the True Gentleman.
Brief Thoughts on Homosexuality
As for homosexuality, well, it becomes a little clearer for me in this paradigm.
Men who don't believe that they're up there being married believe that they can't identify with the groom. Some opinion of ourselves causes a block that hinders us from identifying ourselves as the church and the groom who loves it. However, they look upon the bride and identify with her, unable to make that bridge to the groom who cherishes her. And they want to be loved and appreciated as she deserves to be loved and appreciated--for all people want to be, whether men or women--and they see and respect that other men can deliver this for them. I honestly don't see what's wrong with this except that it means we as men must forsake our role as proactive lovers and leave our bride to spend our lives seeking other men as the beloveds.
For women, they identify with the bride, but they then look at themselves and regretfully believe that they're not her--they don't see themselves as the rightful beloved. And then they find this same sentiment in other women as well, and so these women mutually fulfill this role for one another, and they find happiness in this way. I honestly don't see what's wrong with this, either, except that they must turn away from the True Groom in order to lift one another up.
Honestly, I struggled with the notion of homosexuality briefly in my past, and this paradigm fits adamantly for my ambivalence. I was emotionally very unstable growing up. It took a moment of profound thought to overcome this struggle in identity, and now I have a relatively very low level of insecurity as opposed to my former self, whatever it may be that people may think or say about me, because ultimately, I'm secure because I know I'm not. But that brief struggle gave me insight into the insecurities that lead us to believe we're counter to the expected roles, even rebellious to it, and how it can consume our souls to make us turn away from what we're called to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment